2003-10-10 - 11:23 a.m.
I'm really, really bummed out today.
I'm sure everyone has days like this, where memories intrude all day and mire you in a melecholy swamp of self pity, "Why's" and "How's". How did this happen? Why didn't this turn out differently? Blah blah blah. Whining isn't my thing as general rule but today I can't keep my mind on the here and now.
I have a feeling that because I rarely allow myself to think about past mistakes and disappiontments that this is my minds may of kicking my ass. I get these day's where I can't focus on anything else.I wonder about old friends, past relationships, where I am now and could it have been different? Would I want it to be? Heavy stuff.
I did a stupid thing though, I went back through a diary of an old boyfriend, and then the diary we made together. Who ever thought I could be such a giant mushy romantic fool? Pffft. Scrach that.... truth is I AM a giant mushy romantic fool. Sometimes it sucks.
I wonder if anyone from my past has days where they think of me too?
A.G.
